For-parents For parents and mentors

Starting a Safe Conversation: a lesson for parents and mentors

When you offer choices about when to talk, you respect your young adult's independence.

The situation

You and your 18-year-old daughter are packing for her move into her first college housing at the kitchen table. She sighs and tells you that you worry too much.

You: I just want to make sure you're set for the move.
Your daughter: You worry way too much about every little detail.
You: I know it can feel like I'm hovering.
Your daughter: I just really don't want a huge lecture right now.

Your daughter folds her clothes and looks away. You want to talk about safety before move-in without overwhelming her.

How do you open the conversation?

"Would now or another time work for a quick conversation?"
"You need to sit down and listen to these safety rules before you leave."

See the recommended choice and why

Recommended choice

"Would now or another time work for a quick conversation?"

When you offer choices about when to talk, you respect your young adult's independence. Giving control over timing helps lower defensiveness, making them much more likely to come to you when they need support.

Your next step

Ask your child when they would feel comfortable having a short check-in before move-in day.

Words you can use

“Would now or later work better to chat for two minutes?”

Sources

Lessons draw on guidance from these organizations. They link to it and do not reproduce it.

If someone is in danger now, call 911. To talk to someone, call or text 988.